Know your worth

Just because someone desires you, does not mean that they value you.

I posted this particular quote on facebook yesterday and the amount of shares and messages I received was surprising.  I shouldn't have been surprised though, this is a powerful statement and it hit home for me pretty hard which is why I posted it to begin with.

This is such an important thing to remember.  We all want to be desired, to know that someone sees us and genuinely delights in being near us.  That is just human nature and it is OK to want this.  What we sometimes fail to see is that desire can be a selfish feeling, it doesn't necessarily mean that someone has your best interest at heart.  After all, it is about a need.  It is a want or a wish for something in our life.    Value is not.  Value is the regard in which something is held in importance.  It’s not about what someone wants for themselves but what they want for the people around them.

I wish I had learned this lesson earlier in life.  You can tell a lot about a person by looking at WHAT they value and HOW they treat the important things.  I think this is something that we struggle to hold people to though because we don’t necessarily understand our own worth.  How can we expect someone else to treat us a certain way if we do not see it in ourselves to begin with?

I think that often we are scared to expect a certain standard from people.  What if they don’t agree with me?  What if they don’t give me what I ask for or treat me the way I want to be treated?  What if they do not think my value is worth what I think it is?! I am guilty of this way of thinking at times as well and I can safely say that when I have caught myself being fearful of rejection over something as important as how someone treats me, I have taken a hard step back and re-evaluated the opinion I have of myself.

This thinking is not ok.  If someone does not recognize your value and treat you accordingly, it in no way should diminish your self-worth.  It says nothing about you and everything about that person yet somehow we have reversed our mindset on this and take it so personally.

I have so many nights where I sat up crying wondering what was wrong with me, why didn’t so-and-so give me what I needed?  What did I do that made me so unimportant in that person’s life? Realistically the answer nothing, yet it is so easy to take it personally.  So I stopped asking to be treated with respect, I stopped telling people what I needed in my life to feel loved, and I started accepting whatever was given, even if it was nothing.  Let me tell you folks- when you expect nothing, and that is what you get, it is seriously time to think about the type of people you are accepting friendships and relationships from. 

Someone who VALUES you considers your feelings.  We often show love the way we want to receive it, and it is ok to need a reminder at times that we might not be showing it the way another person prefers.  It is what you DO when something is brought to your attention that sets you apart.  If it is important, they will address it.  If it isn’t, then you have no business being in that relationship anyways.  Run now- they have proven exactly how little they think of you.

Those relationships are toxic.  We should never have to fear bringing up a subject to someone we care about, no matter how hard the topic.  Love is selfless, it is about having the other person’s best interests at heart and being able to have the hard conversations.  It is about communication.  It is about learning and growing together.  If you cannot be open then you either need to have a serious come to Jesus with yourself about your own personal value or you need to really look at the bigger picture.

Now as I have grown up and learned to accept that I am wonderful, sensitive, caring, and often opinionated, I recognize how terrible I treated myself by allowing people to handle my feelings with such low regard.  I have no problem vocalizing what I want and need now.  We can’t expect others to be mind readers and if I am not happy, it is within my control to do something about it.  What someone chooses to do with the information I offer up tells me everything I need to know and at the end of the day, I can walk away with my head held high, knowing that I did what I could in my relationships.

The biggest lesson to take from this though is that while it is ok to be a bit scared of vulnerability, it really is there to help you in the long run.  Ultimately you are going to find out one of two things:  you are either valued or you are not.  And if you aren’t?  Then you can walk away wiser.  Your value does NOT decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.  Always remember that.  You are in total control of that, not them.  If someone does not recognize how amazing you are and they do not show you how much they care, they are not worth a second thought.  Walk away.

I wish I had learned this earlier in life, but I am glad this is something I can say I 100% live by now.  I know what I need to thrive in a relationship, what I need to feel loved, and what I need to grow.  If you can’t say the same thing, it might be time to do a little digging and figure it out. 

When you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t.  It starts with you.