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The 2025 Budget Reconcilliation Bill and What It Means for over 13M Americans

  I’ve been in a weird headspace since the House passed the budget bill that will make massive cuts to Medicare, Medicaid, and snap. For those unaware, the proposal is for $200B in cuts to snap and $600B cuts in Medicaid that would also tie in Medicare within that budget as well.  As a matter of fact, that was the first thing I heard when I woke up Friday morning, and I cried for hours.  You see, both my sister and I are on disability for having multiple chronic illnesses and let me tell you right now for people who think that disability pays too much out- that’s absolute horseshit. The money that I make monthly barely covers all the medical expenses that I have as someone who is chronically ill and cannot handle traditional work (because contrary to popular belief, I’m still responsible for bills, including insurance even while on disability) and let me make it clear, the money I receive does not sustain me outside of what I pay monthly in medical costs and some food...
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I Made Her

  I promised myself from pretty much day one that I was always going to be candid about this journey.   I never wanted anyone else to feel alone for whatever reason, but especially those fighting chronic illnesses.   Honestly, being open with you all in a lot of ways has allowed a significant amount of healing through the years for me and I have zero regrets although I am DAILY treated like less of a human because of what others perceive as my limitations. If I am being honest though, lately it has been exhausting.   Being vulnerable is already hard enough.   Trying to be vulnerable when you know that most people are going to hear your story and run the other way is often heart breaking.   We all need human connection.   We were built to be part of a tribe.   We were built to love and to desire being loved in return.   There is nothing wrong with wanting those things or NEEDING them.   Unfortunately, people can be so cruel when prese...
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What is My Worth? An Open Letter to the 2022 Lupus Summit

  One of the things I struggle most with since being diagnosed has been my sense of value.    I mean, it’s understandable considering the world we live in. We often base it on tangible things like our careers, the things we have, the places we go, the money we make.   So, what happens when suddenly, those core things are taken away and you’re left scrambling to find your identity in a world that you no longer fit into?     God. Thats the million-dollar question, isn’t it? How do we measure value?   It looks different for everyone though at the end of the day there is a kind of universally understood line drawn in the sand.  I see it all the time- through social media, advertising, hell- it’s even plastered all over dating apps with things like “I have a house, a car, a career- I expect you to have your shit together as well” written on more profiles than I can count.   Even the dictionary has a few very specific descripti...
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It rarely goes as planned

  Bad illness weeks create a kind of depression that is still hard to climb out of, even after 5 years of battling all of this. It’s been a balancing act this year- the sicker I get, the more I try to hold on to this life I have worked so hard to cultivate for myself.   The fun and friendships, the nights of living in the moment, the laughter, the normalcy. Some days it works, others, the aftermath is just a reminder of what life really looks like for someone who is chronically ill. My business has grown, but at the cost of my health.   For every client I say yes to each month, its one new symptom that shows up and sticks around for a few weeks- just long enough to rest up and do it all again the next month.   Why?   Because I can’t handle a normal job and because I must be able to support myself.   I need to be able to do this for me. Each month, I fight with myself while I try to continue creating something that makes me happy while also not killin...
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Autumn Leaf

  People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be. I can’t remember where I heard this, but it stuck with me and truth be told when I look back on life and situations, it really has shown to be true.   I wish I was better at cutting through the bullshit, or maybe better at just seeing people for who they are instead of who they COULD be.   Truth be told though; I think that is one of my best qualities.   Maybe also the one that gets me in the most trouble, but still, most days I think I am a better human because of it.   So how do you know who deserves to get that part of you? The part of you that hypes people up, supports them, and pushes them to be the best they can be.   That person who deserves to see all of you and get the best parts of who you are?   Maybe everyone needs that, but then I suppose the question is: how do you do this without being hurt? I have no answers.   I’m the worst at...
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Curveballs

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This picture always bring me back to a lot of happy memories.   It was New Years Eve 2017 and I had managed to convince everyone I love to get out for a night of shenanigans and debauchery, and it was probably one of the best nights of my life.   We sang, we laughed, we brought in the New Year together as a tribe and it is a feeling I will never forget. I held on to that memory a lot that next year.   It happens to all of us eventually- we have a defining moment in time where we realize that life isn’t within our control.   Try as we might (some of us harder than others), eventually experience and hurt catch up to all of us. I thought I had experienced that already.   Truth be told I had when my dad passed away suddenly as a teen.   It was a defining moment in my young life, and I remember that feeling of desperation and deep ache to never feel that lost again.   So, I crafted a tidy little life for myself.   I worked hard, I saved, I invest...
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When The System Fails You- An Open Letter to the 2020 Lupus Summit

"You have Lupus." It's not something you want to hear but by the time I got to this particular point in my journey, I was just relieved to have a name for what I had been going through. It started as a few aches and pains, and a little bit more exhaustion than I was used to. No big deal I thought, I’m pushing 30, I have a stressful job, and I don’t know how to say no. So I did what any 30-year old does and I got a gym membership. I lost almost 75 pounds, I was a cross fitting beast, and was in the best shape of my life yet I still felt terrible. I went to the doctor every year with the same complaints and was told I simply needed to lose more weight. But I had done that and even after losing the weight, I still felt the same. How is that even possible? Not one person throughout 4 years of exhaustion asked more questions or thought to seek further understanding about what could possibly be wrong with me and instead I was offered diet pills by my physician. ...
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