Autumn Leaf

 

People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be.

I can’t remember where I heard this, but it stuck with me and truth be told when I look back on life and situations, it really has shown to be true.  I wish I was better at cutting through the bullshit, or maybe better at just seeing people for who they are instead of who they COULD be. 

Truth be told though; I think that is one of my best qualities.  Maybe also the one that gets me in the most trouble, but still, most days I think I am a better human because of it.  So how do you know who deserves to get that part of you? The part of you that hypes people up, supports them, and pushes them to be the best they can be.  That person who deserves to see all of you and get the best parts of who you are?  Maybe everyone needs that, but then I suppose the question is: how do you do this without being hurt?

I have no answers.  I’m the worst at giving my heart to people who don’t deserve the kindness.

Sometimes I hate that about myself, that I keep allowing the world to take from me.  Other times, I feel like maybe the world needs that kindness and that I just need to keep learning how to be that woman without giving away pieces of myself in the process.

I’m sure there is a balance- I obviously haven’t figured it out yet but there must be.  God wouldn’t have made me this way without a purpose, I just haven’t really figured out what that is yet.  And unfortunately, I got a bit hurt in the chaos.

I’m tired. 

The last few years have really drained me, and this weekend really broke what was left of my spirit at the moment.  Lots of tears have fallen the last few weeks, and a lot of lessons have been learned. 

I never want to be the woman who becomes hardened.  I think vulnerability and communication are beautiful and greatly needed in life, and while some might think that there are people who don’t deserve it, maybe they are the ones who need to be shown it the most. I just need to learn to recognize who people are, so I understand my place better.

” I hope that I can be the autumn leaf, who looked at the sky and lived.  And when it was time to leave, knew life was a gift.”  - Dodinsky

 

 

 

 


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