Ramblings of a mad (ok semi irritated) S/W/F
So the other day someone said something to me. I have mulled over it all weekend and I think it is worth addressing because if it upset someone like myself who is 100% confident in the woman she is and the direction she is heading, then what kind of message does this send to others who struggle with the area of being single or what their life should like or whatever other message can be taken from such an asinine comment.
I will skip the boring parts and skip straight to the bulk of what happened which is that while talking to an old acquaintance and catching up, she found out that I was pushing 30, still single, and :gasp: had a career and goals and not just a job to pass some time. In a very matter of fact tone she informed me that my "dating pool had probably already shrunk significantly given my age and I might want to reconsider the direction I was heading and focus less on a "career" and more on finding a man." I very politely told her that I could have both and that I simply had high standards to which she replied "that is probably the issue."
While you all remove your jaws from the ground, I will go ahead and say this. That ideology is absolute garbage. Now let preface this rant by saying that I see nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, dad, whatever. I see absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to grow up and have a family. I want that. I just also want a job. It takes all sorts of folks to make this world work and I am very confident that the man I will eventually date/marry/whatever will not only LOVE the fact that I have a career that I am totally in love with, he will encourage me to keep on track with my goals.
How do I know this? Because I will not settle for anything less than that.
Why? Because settling isn't in anyone's best interest and I want to be with someone who loves me for my passions. All of them. And I don't feel that is something ANYONE should compromise, but sadly we see this happen every day.
We change because we want people to like us. To be loved. For all sorts of reasons. But if we aren't being pushed to grow and learn and live then what is the point of all of it anyways? Why would you settle for being anything less than yourself and being with others who support you for being that. The only person you should be actively trying to please is yourself and when you are happy, the rest falls in to place.
So now we get to what I suppose I am really honestly pissed off over. That we're being told it isn't ok to have standards. Not just in relationships but in a lot of ways. This is just malarkey to me. We tell our children to wait for their prince charmings and as parents, you spend your entire life trying to teach your children self-respect and to reach for your passions. To find someone who makes you happy and loves you unconditionally. Yet for a woman in her late 20's, she is supposed to just take what she can get? Is there some sort of time-line on this sort of thing that I missed in the book of life lessons that my mother dished out for me?
No. There's not. She taught me to love myself. To know what I wanted out of life and not be afraid to ask for it or better yet, go after it. She saw my independent flare and didn't see it as something to tame but to nurture, to push, and to take pride in. And I do.
Folks- I just see so many unhappy people in this world and I cant help but think it's because they're taking their own advice and settling. This is so toxic. And just so sad to me. Why would you try so hard to dampen someone's spirit and make them feel like less of man or woman? What right do we have to do that to people?
We don't. Our job isn't to judge. Our job is to encourage, and love, and support, and push people to seek out what makes them smile. It breaks my heart that we are being torn down and encouraged to do the opposite.
Never settle. Ever. Things might not always be perfect, and you will never be in a perfect relationship, but there IS someone who is perfect for you and I do not just mean romantically. You will never meet those people though if you believe the lies that people feed us.
The word settle is a totally foreign concept to me. Especially when it comes to something that is as important as relationships. And you know what? I am 100% OK with that.
I will skip the boring parts and skip straight to the bulk of what happened which is that while talking to an old acquaintance and catching up, she found out that I was pushing 30, still single, and :gasp: had a career and goals and not just a job to pass some time. In a very matter of fact tone she informed me that my "dating pool had probably already shrunk significantly given my age and I might want to reconsider the direction I was heading and focus less on a "career" and more on finding a man." I very politely told her that I could have both and that I simply had high standards to which she replied "that is probably the issue."
While you all remove your jaws from the ground, I will go ahead and say this. That ideology is absolute garbage. Now let preface this rant by saying that I see nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, dad, whatever. I see absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to grow up and have a family. I want that. I just also want a job. It takes all sorts of folks to make this world work and I am very confident that the man I will eventually date/marry/whatever will not only LOVE the fact that I have a career that I am totally in love with, he will encourage me to keep on track with my goals.
How do I know this? Because I will not settle for anything less than that.
Why? Because settling isn't in anyone's best interest and I want to be with someone who loves me for my passions. All of them. And I don't feel that is something ANYONE should compromise, but sadly we see this happen every day.
We change because we want people to like us. To be loved. For all sorts of reasons. But if we aren't being pushed to grow and learn and live then what is the point of all of it anyways? Why would you settle for being anything less than yourself and being with others who support you for being that. The only person you should be actively trying to please is yourself and when you are happy, the rest falls in to place.
So now we get to what I suppose I am really honestly pissed off over. That we're being told it isn't ok to have standards. Not just in relationships but in a lot of ways. This is just malarkey to me. We tell our children to wait for their prince charmings and as parents, you spend your entire life trying to teach your children self-respect and to reach for your passions. To find someone who makes you happy and loves you unconditionally. Yet for a woman in her late 20's, she is supposed to just take what she can get? Is there some sort of time-line on this sort of thing that I missed in the book of life lessons that my mother dished out for me?
No. There's not. She taught me to love myself. To know what I wanted out of life and not be afraid to ask for it or better yet, go after it. She saw my independent flare and didn't see it as something to tame but to nurture, to push, and to take pride in. And I do.
Folks- I just see so many unhappy people in this world and I cant help but think it's because they're taking their own advice and settling. This is so toxic. And just so sad to me. Why would you try so hard to dampen someone's spirit and make them feel like less of man or woman? What right do we have to do that to people?
We don't. Our job isn't to judge. Our job is to encourage, and love, and support, and push people to seek out what makes them smile. It breaks my heart that we are being torn down and encouraged to do the opposite.
Never settle. Ever. Things might not always be perfect, and you will never be in a perfect relationship, but there IS someone who is perfect for you and I do not just mean romantically. You will never meet those people though if you believe the lies that people feed us.
The word settle is a totally foreign concept to me. Especially when it comes to something that is as important as relationships. And you know what? I am 100% OK with that.
I don't understand why some people have such a problem with singleness. I have many wonderful single friends who are just awesome--living life to the fullest, knocking out goals left and right, serving others in love. I'm so glad that you are living it up right where you are. What a great testimony to others.
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