You're Looking at it Wrong

Someone asked me recently how I was still single. Can I just say that I find that to be a totally ridiculous question, yet I get asked that very thing a lot. Sometimes it comes with unsolicited advice as well, but today I just want to talk about the how. Or better put, why.

I generally only write about things I have been thinking on for a while or things that bother me. Most of my writing has a common theme.  This probably won't be any different but this is something I feel very strongly about and it is something that keeps coming up so here I am.

So how does someone answer such a silly question? Maybe I just haven't put myself out there. Maybe I just haven't had the time. Or maybe I just haven't met someone WORTH my time. What would you think of me if I told you it was the latter of those?  Would you call me picky? Think that I am the ridiculous one? Or that I am high maintenance?

Here's the thing though- my time is valuable. I have plans and goals, and many dear ones already in my life that have expectations of me so if I am going to invest in someone, he better be someone that I can see being part of my circle. Just like I don't expect to be everyone's cup of tea, people shouldn't expect that I give every single man a chance. It's called having standards. It's knowing who you are and what you are looking for and not wanting to waste ANYONE'S time, not just your own.

I don't accept drinks when I'm not interested, I can buy my own. I don't give out my number to anyone that I don't believe is worth putting something into, even if it only ends up in a good friendship. I believe that people are all worth honesty and kindness, and sometimes that means saying no in the very beginning. I have never appreciated being led on and I will always do my best to extend that same courtesy to others as well.

I'm old enough to have learned the hard lessons and what I value more than anything at this point is substance. If you don't lift me up, push me to be a better person, call me on my crap, and love me in spite of my downfalls, you serve no point in my life and I am 100%  ok with that. Anyone that knows my story understands what I fought through to get here and I certainly wouldn't give up everything that I pushed through for someone who couldn't make me an even better person.  I ask a lot of relationships but what my loved ones get in return is much more so I have never felt bad about raising the bar on who I allow in.

I crave friendship and laughter. I desire love. I require time and hugs and kisses and cuddles. I need support.

These are not things that I can budge on, but for some reason it makes me picky. And I know I have already written a post on what it means to settle so I won't go down that rabbit hole but let me just say this on the subject: don't.  Period, the end, don't ever settle. Not on the important things like loyalty, integrity, humor, trustworthiness. Those are worth holding close to your heart.

So if I give someone my number and my time, if I send them a text or a gift, if I tell someone I am thinking about them- it can be believed. Why? Because I don't believe in wasting time. I abhor that we live in a society where it is so easy to lead people on, that we lack vulnerability, we can so easily disregard titles and it is so easy to keep options open. We are always looking for the next big thing, and more importantly totally terrified of taking a leap into what is right in front of us. We lack the ability to face conflict, to be honest, to tell people how we feel. I've been on the receiving end of that and it isn't fun. In spite of all of this, somehow I am the picky one for not simply saying yes to a date with every schmuck who asks me out. Or for not continuing to put myself out there for someone who doesn't seem to want to put in the same amount as well.

What I demand is substance and if that means I only have a handful of friends and zero romantic interests, then I am ok with that. I don't think I am missing out on much if that's the case.

So when you ask me how I am still single, it's simple. There's no how to it- it's a question of why and I am very content with my life until someone comes along that is worth changing things for.

"Find someone who isn't afraid to say they miss you. Someone who knows that you are not perfect but treats you as if you are. Someone's whose biggest fear is losing you. One who gives their hearts completely. Someone who says I love you and means it. Last but not least, find someone who wouldn't mind waking up with you in the morning seeing you in wrinkles and your gray hair but still falls for you all over again."

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