Balance, my darling

Balance, my darling, is not letting anybody love you less than you love yourself.

I have been told since I was little that people treat you the way you allow them to.  I am a firm believer in this.  I am also a firm believer in giving people a chance to address issues depending on the circumstances.  So what happens when someone isn’t giving you what you need?

I have the common female issue of falling in love with words and not actions.  I fall in love with thoughts and ideas and sometimes that just isn’t in sync with reality.  Sometimes it is very easy to see that someone doesn’t care or does not have your best interest at heart.  Sometimes it isn’t that simple. 

So what about those not so black and white moments? I can personally attest that there have been times in my life that I have 100% had the best intentions with something but made promises I could not fulfill.   I wanted to, but it just was not possible for one reason or another.  So coming from a woman who is overly empathetic to just about every situation, I fall in to the trap of giving people the benefit of the doubt.  What I have learned recently though is that someone can have the best of intentions but it doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to get hurt.

I tend to forget that just because I have someone’s best interest at heart and I try to always keep them in mind with my actions in NO WAY means that others will do the same for me.  Not only do I forget this, I struggle with not getting hurt in the process.

Sometimes I win that battle and other times, like now, I lose.    

How do people balance feelings?  I am terrible at it.  I know that if someone wants to be in your life, they’ll make the effort.  This is the logical answer that I in no way follow most of the time. I think what people struggle with is the possibility that this could happen, or even the fear of asking the question to begin with.  Who in their right mind wants to pour out their heart and soul to someone only to find out they aren’t willing to do the same?  No one.  And it’s not a fun feeling when you realize that there is an imbalance in a relationship.

So as I try to muddle through my feelings and make sense of the phrase self-worth, I think it truly boils down to this.  It’s not just about whether you are treated horribly or like a princess.  It’s about the little things that you need in your own personal life.  Do people make an effort?  Do they text, call, reach out to you.  Are you a quality time person that NEEDS communication on a regular basis and you aren’t getting it?  Are you a person that needs affection and craves hand holding and hugs but feel like you rarely experience that closeness? Whatever it is, if the answer is yes then it might be time to re-evaluate whether the person you are seeking affection from is worth your time. 

I guess the point is this- you deserve someone (friends and significant others) who cater to your feelings and needs just as much as you do for them.  The effort should be mirrored.  If you can look at a relationship and feel that it is not balanced then that, my dears, answers any question you might have about whether it might be appropriate to look at the amount of time you invest in someone. 

Everyone deserves to feel desired and loved.  Everyone deserves to feel special.  And no one should have to question whether the people in their lives truly care about them or not. 


So what does it means to truly love yourself?  It means you understand your needs and you hold to your standards.  Anyone that wants to be in your life will easily fit in.  

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