Falling in love with yourself

Date yourself.  Take yourself out to eat. Don't share your popcorn at the movies with anyone.  Stroll around an art museum alone.  Fall in love with canvases.  Fall in love with yourself.

 You know, someone told me some very similar advice when I was younger and I thought they were crazy.  Go somewhere by myself? What if people look at me?  What if they think I am sad and alone? The older I get though, the more I enjoy my own company. Sometimes more than being with others. 

 I used to be very scared of alone time- stuck in the quiet with my own thoughts and feelings.  I never really felt comfortable in my own skin.  I always felt like too much or not enough so being left alone with myself was a scary concept.  I didn't share what I was thinking with people. Hell, I was barely honest with myself sometimes, scared that what I was thinking or dreaming about wasn't normal.  

 I am not sure what I was so worried about or how I got to that place.  So afraid about not being enough for anyone... I didn't realize that the only person I should have been trying to please was myself.  My thoughts, my dreams, and what I delight in are beautiful.  Why?  Because they are my own. 

 It took me a very long time to recognize that this world is beautiful because of it's uniqueness and that includes me as well.

 I am not saying that I do not still have my days. I do.  I have a thousand thoughts running through my head at any given moment and sometimes I am terrified of sharing them with others.  I often still worry about whether I am making sense, about being vulnerable with people, about what I want my life to look like and what it might cost to get there.

 The difference is that I do it anyways.  I do the hard things, I say the things I am scared to say.  I go out alone. I've waited for the right kind of people that ignite more of a fire in me and not only help me see my potential but push me to reach it and I am not afraid to be alone until I find them.

 Alone is not a bad thing.  We are never really truly alone anyways- not if we enjoy our own company.  And what if you don't? Well, maybe you should start working on that.

 To quote the lovely Emma Watson... 
I'm going to do what I want to do.  I'm going to be who I really am.  I'm going to figure out what that is.

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