I Lived

I still may not know what I want to be when I grow up but I do know that I want to live at home filled with books and travel souvenirs.  And the walls that aren't covered in bookshelves will be covered with photos of my family and friends. When I leave home I will be going to a job I love, and I'll return to a person I love. So that is the dream I am working on.

 This is so perfect.  When I was younger, I had such a specific image of what life would look like by now .  In college I had the 4 year plan, I was going to work for a very specific company, and wanted a very specific job. Everything was laid out in my head and I truly thought that is what I needed to be happy. The perfect man, the perfect job, the perfect salary. My happiness was totally wrapped around what I felt was the perfect life.  

 Now that I am older, I am so thankful that life had other plans for me.  These days my goals are more fluid and flexible.  What I want more than anything is to go to sleep at the end of the day having done the right thing, having made someone smile, having experienced something new, and I want to always close my eyes feeling grateful for the day I was able to live (even if that day turns out to be pretty rough.)

 I want experiences- the good, the bad, and the ugly. I want grit.  I want to be pushed and challenged. I want to learn not to sweat the small stuff. 

 I crave knowledge. I desire closeness. I want to be surrounded with people who get me, and even if its not all time, still love me in spite of my quirks. Correction- I want to be surrounded by people who LOVE my quirks.  I want to learn to be more vulnerable and open to new ideas, people, and possibilities. 

 What I want is depth.  I want to be able to look back on life and know that I lived.  That I soaked in every moment I could.  And when I leave this world, I can go knowing that I lived for other people, and spent my life making others smile.

 One of my favorite songs at the moment, my life anthem if you will, is I Lived by One Republic.  I wake up every morning to that song as my alarm.  Kind of my version of pumping up for the day.  What a perfect reminder every single day to just wake up and go for it.  I'm not always good at it, and I think that it will probably be a constant lesson I need to learn, but I think that is a goal worth having.

 We were put here to do great things.  I don't want to be so wrapped up in what life was supposed to look like that I miss out on what is right in front of me. Having a plan is good, having goals is great, but at the end of the day the most important thing is going to sleep having soaked in every detail possible.  Life is what we make of it, and it is the little details that honestly help us get where we need to be.  Life is not perfect, but there is a perfect life out there for all of us if we choose to look for it and do the hard things to get there.

 Going in to the coming week, I want the challenges.  I might not always handle them with grace but what matters is that I handle them.  

 That I live.  


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