Burn

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say commonplace things, but burn burn burn like fabulous yellow roman candles, exploding like spiders across the stars.
John Kerouac- On the Road

Have you ever met someone, whether platonic or romantic that you just couldn’t shake?  They continued to show up in your life, and you felt the constant pull of opposite forces both telling you different things? One said this person was meant to be something special, so you put yourself out there only to have the other force tell you to stop! Something is off!

Sometimes we have moments where life literally stops us in our tracks and we just know without a doubt that we need to cut ties and change directions.  Other times, we are left to read the signs and listen to our instincts.

So what do you do when something “feels off” but there is no reason for it to be? 

A lesson I have been learning over and over and over again for the last six months is that a situation can be perfect, but it doesn’t mean it is perfect for YOU.

What has been my theme this year? Living a life of passion.  What does that require?  Sometimes it is stepping away from something good to make room for something better.

I need someone who sees the fire in my eyes and wants to play with it.

I want to have debates, to be challenged, to be able to show my feisty side and know that people won’t back down.  I want to be seen as this warrior goddess who kicks ass and takes names.  I want to learn and grow and be able to talk about crazy ideas that I have and know that the people around me are going to say “do it” and hold me accountable.

Instead I was told that I am sweet and that the vision someone had for me was to be at home waiting for THEM and I feel like my flames were just smothered and put out.
    
I am nice, and kind, and generous, and loving.  I love taking care of people and my home.  I am also stubborn, and sassy, and I have big ideas and plans.  I’m never going to be someone who backs down from an argument and dinner isn’t always going to be ready on the table.  Sometimes I am going to want to be left alone and sometimes I want to talk for hours about anything and everything.  I am not just “nice” and I don’t want people who can’t handle all sides of me.

I had a wake-up call today.  I have no time for those who don’t fan the flames.  Maybe that is why I haven’t felt truly settled.  Why I’ve wasted so much time worrying over a situation that I wasn’t sold on is beyond me.


I want to be seen and pushed and stretched.  If you can’t handle that then make way for someone who can.

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