Cheers to the Intimidating Woman!

Something that seems to be a huge subject in my life these days is the subject of being independent.  Or, as it has been phrased on TWO different occasions this week alone, the subject of being an intimidating woman (because apparently the two are one and the same).

I guess at the end of the day, the word intimidating baffles me.  If you look it up in the dictionary the literal meaning of the word is to frighten someone.  Do I scare you?  What is the point of telling me something like this?  Are you somehow hoping that this revelation will cause me to change my personality for you and level the playing field so you aren’t so worried about having to possibly step up to a challenge?

I do not understand why being someone who has their life together is so scary for people and truth be told it makes me feel slightly misunderstood.  I don’t care much about other people’s opinion of me but I kind of felt that maybe it was time to clear up a few misconceptions about the “intimidating woman” and why you should be falling all over yourself to be part of her life instead of running from her:

1)      She’s full of passion.

I am either all in or I’m not.  It’s that simple.  If I chose to pick up a hobby, set a new goal, make a new friend or pursue a new relationship…. I am going to put my whole being in to it and you should take a few lessons to this approach. Look at what it has gotten me:

A career that I love. I started as a part time coffee shop barista, counting the daily receivables and working on the inventory spreadsheets and now I run a business.  Not only that, but it’s a business that I love with all of my heart and enjoy waking up for every single day.

It has produced talents that I didn’t even know I possessed.  I had no idea I could paint, or sing, or play the piano or refurbish furniture until I tried and I had no idea how cathartic these hobbies would be on days when I am stressed.  These talents along with many others have given me a better outlook on the world as well as helped me give back to my job, my community, and my loved ones in fun and unique ways.

It has blessed me with some of the most amazing relationships.  Not everyone likes or appreciates my passion but those who do have pushed me, challenged me, helped me grow, and LOVED me in ways that I didn’t even know was possible.

2)      She’ll push you to be the best version of yourself.

I don’t believe that there will ever be a day where I am done growing and learning.  I also believe that there is always room to do a better job and be a better human being.

I intimidate you because of my work ethic, my character, my strength, my humor, drive, passion, etc. but it is all of these traits that will keep you on your toes and hopefully inspire you to continue growing as well.

There is not a single person in my life that I don’t hold accountable, push, and constantly challenge.  Not because they are not already great, but because we have the mutual understanding that there is MORE out there and we want to be a part of it.  I will hold you to a high standard because I love you and life and want only the best for you.  I don’t hold anyone to a standard that I am not also willing to rise to.  The “intimidating woman” wants to be challenged just as much as she challenges others.  Instead of looking at HER as intimidating, try seeing her as someone who wants only amazing things for you and knows how to help you achieve those goals.

3)      She doesn’t need you….she wants you.

I built my own career, I have my own money, and I can take care of myself.  I have friends, hobbies, and passions and I know what I want, what I deserve, and who I am.  Many people need to be knight in shining armor in relationships in order to feel loved but guess what?  I can ride my own damn horse.

What does that leave for you in a relationship?  The chance to discover yourself and receive love in a healthier way and it gives you a chance to have a PARTNER.  Do you really want someone that you have to take care of and babysit constantly? Or would you rather be with someone that can also support YOU and your goals and wants you to be happy as well?

I don’t need you but I want you.  Isn’t that so much better?  To know that the “intimidating woman”, who has a very full and busy life already, desires you?  That I would be willing to set aside my much valued time because I want to spend time with YOU?  And not just that, but with the right person, that I might even let them to take the lead.

Why is that so much more special, you ask?  Did you ever think that possibly having someone to stand up to the challenge of an independent woman is just what I am looking for? It would be amazing to come home to someone who just takes the lead- someone I could trust to make plans, allow me to be vulnerable when I need it, to help carry some weight.

The difference is that with the “intimidating woman” you get a partnership and someone that would just as easily do the same for you when you need it. 

Now, doesn’t that sound wonderful? 

4)      She’ll be all in if you give her the chance.

You know what the biggest turn on is for that “intimidating woman”?  Someone who isn’t scared to step up and has patience and understanding that she isn’t going to bare everything to you right away.

I value time, effort, loyalty, and honesty.  I don’t have time for nonsense and games and I'm going to tell you what I'm thinking for the sake of openness and because I also value communication.  Not only that but I am going to hold you to the same standards.  I won’t, however,  tell you anything that I am not willing to also uphold in my own life.  So if any of this seems like a winner, why not just go for it instead of trying to lower her to be something she is not?

What do you get by exercising some patience and stepping up to the plate?  You get the kind of loyalty that is hard to find these days.  No one understands the value of a person who can take charge and set aside their own fears more than the “intimidating woman.” 

A small leap of faith will gain you respect, love, admiration, and a whole lot of other things that you could only hope for in a relationship (both romantic and platonic). 

At the end of the day, the only one who is going to regret looking at someone as intimidating is you.  Those people you are too scared to invest in know their worth and know the value of waiting for the right people to come along.  If you can’t step up, then move along because the “intimidating woman” has big plans and no time for someone who has a small imagination and no balls to go along for the ride that could turn out to be the best time of your life.