How to be happy: hint, throw the how to guides away....


I was browsing Pinterest earlier today when my board was inundated with links on how to be the perfect gf, be the perfect catch, and things I might be doing to scare off men. No doubt they were ads since that's a thing now with Pinterest being so popular but I just sat there kind of stunned for a moment.

Is this really what we are teaching women? That there is a technique to learn, the right kind of clothes to wear, that perfection that has to be met to be desirable? Because if that is the case I am just totally screwed. I am loud and opinionated and stubborn and wayyy overly sensitive and man do I know how take on the weight of the world. I need more reassurance and help than I would care to admit and this is coming from a fairly confident woman. A woman who DIDNT grow up engrossed in the internet, airbrushing, and garbage like these ads advertised. I struggle with being vulnerable and showing all parts of who i am but I cannot imagine how it would feel to be a young adult or teenager now.

Am I doing something wrong? Probably, I mess up every day. But so does every single other human on this earth. So why are we reading books and articles from schmucks who are just as flawed as we are and allowing them to tell us we need to change? Its such garbage.
It is exhausting striving for perfection. Its exhausting building walls and guarding them. Its exhausting pretending to be things we’re not or hiding our not so likable traits. So why do we do it?
One of my favorite poems talks about this very thing.  I think I love it because in a world that is no longer raw this poem speaks to a part of me that very much desires to be unapologetically me. Bad days and all.
“Please know; whether it's the days you burn more brilliant than the sun or the nights you collapse into my lap, your body broken into a thousand questions, you are the most  beautiful thing I have ever seen.  I will love you when you are a still day. I will love you when you are a hurricane.”
Wouldn't you rather experience that kind of love? The kind where you don't have to hide behind rules and behaviors and (false) perfection?
Its absolutely out there. I have the friendships to prove it.  And you know what? They love me. For all that I am and all that I am not.

I don't know how we got to this point as a society but it makes me sad. I have my own struggles with these issues, but I never want to be a woman who is anything less than authentic and honest and open. It's one of my biggest obstacles, showing my imperfections and being vulnerable, and also one of the areas that I have pushed myself the hardest in.  We are not perfect and I think one of the biggest mistakes we make is striving for this. Maybe just maybe if we all washed away the image of what we think life should look like and what others might want and just started trying to learn lessons and do better and be better than we were the day before, everything else would work itself out.
“She was unstoppable. Not because she didn't have failures or doubts, but because she continued on despite them.”
Anyone who doesn't love you for all of you isn't worth investing in. When did the message become about pleasing everyone but ourselves?

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