Learning to be present....


“Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one.  But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now. And that’s a revelation for some people: to realize that your life is only ever now.”

You know, I feel like I often start out blogs with “it has been a crazy month” but really if I am being honest, life is just crazy in general.  I am sure everyone can relate to that statement though so I am trying to be more aware of being in the now and this quote sums up so much of how most of us operate.  Always setting goals, looking ahead, and sometimes missing life and blessings in the process. 

I am very guilty of this, or at least guilty of not having a better balance between enjoying the present while looking to the future.  A lot of what I have been trying to do over the last 9 months while I have been quiet on this forum is living more in the moment as well as simply living instead of talking about living.  A lot of big ideas and blog entries are pointless if you aren’t putting them in to practice right?

So for those who read my last blog, I was almost forced over the last few months to really be present because things got a lot worse before they got better.  What started out as possible food allergies turned in to testing for Crohns, Celiac, and stomach cancer (sorry if you are reading this mom- I didn’t want to say anything unless it came back positive) which in turn quickly turned into 2 emergency room visits and a hospital stay with pancreatitis and gallstones.  No one could decide if those two were related to the other issues or separate and in the process of 2 weeks I dropped close to 20 lbs before finally getting an emergency surgery to remove my gall bladder and (whodathunk) taking care of ALL of the issues I had developed over the last few months.

Man!  I have had a LOT of down time to think about life, people, goals, etc and even more time to just really be grateful for the life I have been given. 

So here I am 3 weeks post op trying to get back into the swing of things.  My company was bought out, I broke up with someone who just wasn’t fitting in to what I saw long term, I was FINALLY able to go back to lifting and iron tribe, and in the middle of all the chaos I am trying to continue to grow and learn and be a better person every day.  I am nowhere near perfect but man do I want to be a woman who makes an impact and does the right thing and lives a life of integrity. 

I also want to be a woman who does the scary things, not just talks about it.  I want to be someone who lives, doesn’t just PLAN to live and never gets there.  So I took a few leaps out of my comfort zone.  I turned down the possibility of a promotion a few months back so I could focus more on myself which was a really hard thing for me to do- but I felt it was the right thing for myself which is something I have never done before.  That is, put me first.  I joined a gym and learned how to lift heavy things and in the process have dropped 40lbs and found a love for something I honestly didn’t even understand before- Olympic lifting and all things cross-fit.  I moved home to save money in between leases and it turned out to be a huge blessing with being out of work almost 3 weeks. I also paid for a cruise which is a HUGE amount of money and freaks me out on top of the fact that I will be away from work for 7+ days.  For those who know me, you also know that I haven’t taken a legit vacation in almost 10 years soooo it was a big deal.  I chose excursions like hiking in Belize and snorkeling because it was something that scares me.

The point of this post is mostly just to encourage people.  None of us have figured it all figured out and I am open to suggestions but I will say this…. I am pretty damn proud of the last few months of my 20s and even though 30 had a rough start, I am still pretty pleased with the life I am trying so hard to mold for myself. 

I have found better balance, I have found new passions, old passions have been re-ignited and re-purposed, and while I have had stressful moments… moments where I have felt defeated… moments where I have felt unappreciated… moments when I was just plain scared and frustrated, I have been happier in the last few months than I have been in a long time.

I have regrets, I made mistakes and hurt people even if it was unintentional, and I will forever be learning lessons but life is good and I am grateful for this new season I have found myself in.


“You must learn to get in touch with the innermost essence of your being.  This true essence is beyond the ego. It is fearless; it is free; it is immune to criticism; it does not fear any challenge.  It is beneath no one, superior to no one, and full of magic mystery, and enchantment.”
- Deepak Chopra

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